


when you love someone and they let you go

by manonisamelon



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Post canon, Sacrifice, Unrequited Love, basically just pain, curse, inspired by spuffy and the i love you no you don't but thznks for saying it quote, liam/OC mentionned, literally this is just angst and has no happiness whatsoever, so you know what to expect
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:46:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28764279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manonisamelon/pseuds/manonisamelon
Summary: Theo and Liam fall in bed together and start being friends with benefits. The only problem is that Theo is in love with Liam and the beta can't know. Especially not how far Theo would be willing to go for him.Inspired by the Buffy the vampire slayer quote:"I love you""No you don't but thanks for saying it."
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Comments: 18
Kudos: 49





	when you love someone and they let you go

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LovelyLittleGrim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LovelyLittleGrim/gifts).



> This was supposed to be for a secret santa event but it's a bit late 😂 
> 
> Title from Don’t Let It Break Your Heart by Louis Tomlinson
> 
> I have been haunted by the "I love you." "No you don't but thanks for saying it" quote from buffy and the idea of applying it to thiam for so long and then slightly spiraled out of control and this was born. It's inspired by the quote obvisouly and some other aspect of spuffy. I'd advice reading the tags if you haven't.  
> Also it's snowing there and it hasn't snowed this much in years which is probably why I'm somehow posting words! Thank you snow! ❄❄❄
> 
> Thanks to the hell hoes for being my moral support while this monster would not end especially when i had to edit it and lost my mind. 💖
> 
> I'm sorry for this. Enjoy the pain?

The first time they slept together Theo knew Liam wanted him, could smell how the beta reacted to being around him, had been playing with it for a while. It was inevitable that eventually they’ll both act on their attraction and fall in bed together. It had been all to easy for Theo to push just enough to get Liam exactly where he wanted and have him finally cave in and kiss Theo. It had been everything he wanted, hungry lips and Liam everywhere, his body the only thing he could feel. After Theo figured that it was a one time thing only, Liam having finally acted on his attraction for Theo, getting it out of his system, and Theo having had Liam once. Which was more than he knew he should have hoped for. Already a miracle in itself that Liam had been attracted enough to him to brush aside their past. It didn’t stop him from wanting more though.

Luckily it didn’t end there. Liam still smelled the same around him, Theo could see how he still checked him out, couldn’t keep himself away from Theo’s body. Eyes often glued on his chest or thighs. One time had not been enough. For either of them even if not in the same way. So it happened again, and again, and again… Theo was happy, as much as he could be anyway, they were friend… ish. And he got to have Liam’s body. And he wanted it. Boy did he wanted it. He just never got to have the one thing he wanted even more. The one thing he knew deep down he could never have even if he couldn’t stop himself from hoping that one day it could be his. The one thing that was most precious. Liam’s heart.

Even though he knew it would never happen it didn’t stop him from coming back to Liam, standing by his side, giving Liam whatever he wanted and taking whatever the beta let him have. Theo knew that eventually it would end. It was inevitable. Liam would either realize what he was doing or find someone he would fall in love with, someone that would get to have the heart of the beta. And Theo would be left behind and forgotten. Only the memory of a friend he used to mess around with. But it didn’t matter. He would stay and get what he could until Liam would end it. Theo knew he would never be the one to walk away. Never will be willing to give Liam up and let him go. He would hold on to the beta for as long as he can even when it hurts. Even when all he wants after they’re done, laying in bed next to each other and panting, is to hold the beta tight against his chest and fall asleep entangled together. But all he gets is seeing the werewolf get up and leave and an aching heart.

It’s messed up but pretty fitting for the chimera. He was so in love with the beta with blue eyes. And he had worse pain in his life. Years of being experimented on by the Dread Doctors did wonder for his pain threshold. At least that’s what he used to think. But this hurt in a whole different way. It was nothing like being sliced open. And have his organs played with, torn out and put back in. He once said to Donovan that the worst kind of pain was emotional pain. He knew he was right back then. He just did not know by how much. Knowing Liam didn’t love him back was the worst thing he ever experienced. And the worst part was that he could only understand Liam. Of course the beta wouldn’t be in love with him. Why would he? He was Theo Raeken after all, nothing more needed to be said about that.

All he had to do was keep up a good face. Surely Liam would realize Theo is in love with him eventually but until then he can’t let the beta know how much this is hurting him whenever he had to watch Liam leave or thought about Liam not loving him back. Or else the beta would end it. And the chimera was not going to let that happen. He will hold on to every seconds he can get. He knew he would cherish the memories later and rejoice at having had the beta for himself even for a little while. Even if Liam was ever really his. And never will be. He gets to pretend until then.

Of course it crossed his mind. Do what he did before and mess with Liam’s head. Use one of the things he was really good at. Only this time he would make the werewolf fall for him instead of convincing him that killing Scott was the solution to saving Hayden. He even knew how he would do it. He pictured it, let himself plan it. Knew what string he would pull. It wouldn’t even be that hard. And on the worse days, when he aches for Liam but the beta was nowhere around him, it was so tempting to give in. And just play around, making Liam fall in love with him. Set the plan in motion.

But it wouldn’t be true. Even if what Liam felt was real Theo would know. He would have made it happen, made it so that the beta would love him back. And without it Liam would be just as he is now. A friend. Whose heart wouldn’t belong to Theo. He wanted so desperately for Liam to love him back. Has hopeless dreams about it. But he wanted it to be real. For Liam to fall. Without him manipulating the beta into it. And even if he somehow in a momentary lapse of judgement went through with his plan…

He knew it would be good at first but… Knowing it wasn’t really real would eat at him and he would always feel like Liam didn’t love him. Even if the beta though he did. Because Theo would have made him fall, made him believe. He would know what he did. Know that it wouldn’t be completely real. Not in the way he wanted it to be. Know that it wouldn’t really be Liam that was in love with him. Just a fake version of him Theo would have made him into. And they wouldn’t be happy. Couldn’t be. He loved Liam. The real Liam. He didn’t want to do this to him. Not again.

The moment Theo realized it was truly hopeless. That Liam loving him back was just an unreachable dream that will never become real was the day Liam told him about this girl from his chemistry class that had asked him on a date. The day the beta told him he said yes and that they would have to postpone their plan of hooking up that Saturday night. It turned out that the date was pretty terrible, which granted did help him feel a bit better, and Liam told him all about it afterwards when he showed up at his place. Not the best conversation to have while having sex, but how could Theo tell Liam he really didn’t want to hear about the werewolf’s date with someone that wasn’t him because he was in love with him.

Theo wished that had been the last of it after the failed date attempt but Liam apparently decided that dating was a good idea and went on to go out with other people. All kind of people. Classmates, players from opposite teams, someone he met at a coffee shop… Basically everyone but Theo. He thought about asking Liam out but he knew what the answer would have been. Plus they generally always ended the same way. With the two of them in bed together while Liam told Theo what happened, how it went wrong and complained about not finding someone he clicked with. Someone he liked enough. Reminding Theo every time that Liam didn’t like him enough either. Enough to share his bed and body but not his heart. Never his heart. And it hurt. No matter how many time Liam went out with other people the pain never lessened. But Theo endured it with a smile and keeping his mouth shut. Being as supportive as he could because at the end of the day he was still the one sharing Liam’s bed. At least for now.

Liam knew Theo was hot. He would have to be blind to deny that. And every time Theo worked with them… He couldn’t help himself. It started back when the chimera and him fought off the ghost riders together. He started to want Theo. He was nowhere near ready to accept his attraction to the chimera back then, even to himself, but that’s when it all started. Maybe it had to do with them being thrown in life-or-death situation together plus Theo being ridiculously attractive that made him want him like that. He tried not to. He didn’t want to act on it. Cause it was still Theo. And he remembered all to well what the chimera did to all of them. But he could also see the change in him. He wasn’t after the pack anymore. Being imprisoned by the skinwalkers did something to him. And no matter how much he tried to deny it he couldn’t anymore. Especially not after the elevator. He knew Theo wanted him too. The way the chimera had looked at his lips… With that knowledge it was all too easy to realize that he would one day act on it and he’d inevitably fall in bed with Theo.

And they did. Once. And twice. Thrice. And again. Time after time. He quickly stopped counting. It was good. Felt amazing. The sex was awesome. And he started hanging out with Theo outside life-or-death situation. Realized Theo was his anchor now and pretty fun to be around. They became friends. They could be described as friends with benefits except they started with the benefits and the friendship came after. At first it was new and exciting and they spent more time inside each other than not whenever they where together. It was new and fun and it felt really good. And they were two horny teenager exploring themselves it was only natural it was their main activities. Plus Liam didn’t have to worry, Theo was as strong as him. They were both werewolf and weren’t afraid of a bit of biting and clawing. It was awesome and Liam loved it.

But eventually they did slow down a bit on the sleeping together and just hang out sometimes. Cause even if Theo was smoking hot and his body was really nice there was no feelings there. And while it was perfect to let out some steam and pass time Liam knew he didn’t have feelings for the chimera so sleeping with him every time they had 15 minutes alone together slowly lost its appeal after an insane month.

He also knew he wanted more. Wanted to find someone to fall in love with. To be able to have sex with that would feel different than just jumping on a hot body. To be loved and love back at the same time. To make someone know they’re loved with his own body. While sex with Theo felt insanely good he knew something was missing from it. Sometimes he wished Theo could be the person he’d love. It would be so easy. They knew each other. He knew all about Theo’s less than stellar past, his flaws and darkness. Theo knew about his. They worked well together. They knew about the supernatural and everything that came with it. Were already sleeping together. So things really wouldn’t have to change much anyway. It would just be so easy. Except for the fact that it’s Theo and all the problem that comes with that. And that he couldn’t make himself feel that way about the chimera. And if he was honest with himself he was not sure he would want to.

He wanted someone though. So when Kim from chemistry asked him out he said yes. He figured might as well go and see what happens. It was awkward and he didn’t had much fun that night until he went to Theo’s afterwards. But it made him realize that if he wanted someone, wanted to have what he had with Hayden again, he needed to get himself out there. So he asked people out that he liked well enough to try or was attracted to. Being the sole lacrosse captain made it very easy to have people say yes at school. And for a while it was new and exciting and fun to try and find someone. But it almost always ended up the same way, him telling Theo about what didn’t work for him and the chimera making him forget all about the failed dates by drowning him in pleasure. So he stopped, figured he would meet someone when it was meant to happen and in the meantime he had Theo to keep him company and enjoy himself. And that’s how it was for a few months.

But eventually it had to change. Liam started to notice things. How Theo would react to certain words. Or act around him in specific situation. And he pieced it together. Realized that Theo didn’t felt like him. That they weren’t experiencing the same thing. That for the chimera it wasn’t just two friends having their fun until they found love. As crazy as it sound cause this was Theo… He figured it out. Theo was in love with him. He knew when Theo went with him to Dr Carson’s seminar. His history teacher had told him and Mason about it and how it would be a great opportunity for them to attend, especially if they were interested in studying history in college. Liam had immediately signed up, the fact that it was on Greek mythology was a nice added bonus, and convinced Mason to do it too so he wouldn’t have to go on his own. But Mason bailed at the last minute because Corey called and his best friend was very weak for his boyfriend. Liam whined to Theo about having to go alone and the chimera offered to go with him. The older boy was not big on history and Liam knew him well enough to know he hated several hour longs lectures. And yet he offered and came with Liam. Pretended his name was Mason to get in. And never even complained. Who would do that unless you’re in love with the person you’re doing it for?

Once he realized Theo loved him it became so obvious in all the small things the chimera did. He couldn’t even comprehend how he hadn’t realized sooner. The way Theo knew his food order, remembered everything Liam told him (though that one might partially be because of his upbringing), always letting Liam pick movies and games, always having Liam’s favorite chocolate, and that was big cause even his mom still gets confused sometimes between regular and double praline stuffing but Theo always had the delicious luxurious double stuffing despite his job shitty pay. And the way he would look at him sometimes. How could he had never seen it before? The way Theo would smile at him and have this… Love, there was no other word to describe it now that he knows, in his eyes. And how he would always protect him. Calm him down so Liam wouldn’t do something he would regret.

This knowledge… it made things different for him. He didn’t know what to do. He kept quiet and acted as if he didn’t knew while he tried to figure it out. Tried to not end up in Theo’s bed as often as he used to even if sometimes it couldn’t be helped. He was weak for the chimera’s body. And the way he kissed him. Which, if he thinks about with his newfound knowledge, was probably because Theo was in love with him. And that was made his kisses so addictive. The love behind them. Explained how they always made him feel safe. Now that he knew, he understood. Theo’s kisses made him feel loved. That was why he always craved them. Why none of the kisses he had when he tried dating ever made him react the way Theo’s did. The way none measured up to the chimera. Which had him confused for a while, wondering if he could be having feelings for the chimera. But he only felt that way with his kisses and nothing else. It only happened when Theo did things for him. Never when Liam tried to do things for the chimera. It only went one way.

It didn’t take long before it became too much for him, he wanted Theo still but knew he shouldn’t because the chimera loved him and it made it feel wrong somehow. Like he was using him. But it was complicated. His own feelings were complicated. He wondered since Theo loved him maybe he should just try really hard to make himself love him back. Make it easy for the both of them. He would stop hoping and searching for more. For someone he couldn’t find. And Theo would get to be with the person he loved. Rationally he knew he couldn’t make himself be in love. He couldn’t choose who he loves. But he tried anyway for a little bit and unsurprisingly… It didn’t work. He didn’t know how to make himself fall in love with Theo. Not matter how loved he felt with him he couldn’t make himself be in love with the chimera. He wished there was just a button he could turn on to magically make himself be in love. To make everything be easier. Because the alternative…

Well… It just wouldn’t be good for anyone. He would lose the comfort and love he gets from Theo. Possibly his friendship. He knew that was selfish, but he had gotten used to it and didn’t want to live without it. And Theo… Liam could only try to imagine the kind of pain he would put the chimera through. A part of him wanted to try again and again, harder, to somehow find a way. Because Theo was his friend. And he knew him. Knew that the older boy didn’t have a lot of people in his life. Had even less love. If any. And it would be everything for him to have Liam. To have someone loving him back completely while knowing everything he did. Acceptance and love. He wanted to give that to his friend instead of taking all his hope away and breaking his heart.

But no matter how hard he tried it never changed. He couldn’t do it. Couldn’t control his own feelings. And couldn’t make himself pretend and tell Theo he wanted more than what they were. He tried and failed. No matter what he wasn’t in love with the chimera. Never will be. And he still wanted more. Just not from Theo. But he still stayed. Because it was familiar and it made him feel good. He knew it was selfish and he couldn’t stop himself. He tried to. Went to Theo’s bed less and less but it still happened. Once in a while he just couldn’t resist.

He gave himself one last shot at falling for Theo. This time he tried to really feel it. To make Theo feel it like the chimera managed to do for him. Through kisses and wandering hands on his body. And when he looked in Theo’s eyes. He still couldn’t feel anything but Theo’s love for him and the desire and pleasure from his own body. What he could see though was Theo’s eyes. And how the chimera had realized something was different this time. And it looked like hope. Hope for something Liam desperately tried but couldn’t give him. In that moment he knew.

As easy as it was to fall in the chimera’s bed they had to end it. They couldn’t keep sleeping together because Theo was hot and knew just how to make Liam melt under his hands. It wasn’t fair to Theo. Letting him believe, have hope in something that would never happen. And Liam wanted more. Wanted to be ready and available to find someone to fall for. And you never know, a new werewolf could come to town and be everything Liam was looking for. It would be pretty awkward to make it clear he was available while smelling like Theo. And the chimera would never stop. That much he understood when the older boy had been there and kept coming back for more while Liam tried dating. He tried forgetting about that, making himself believe that it didn’t matter. That Theo knew what he was doing. Would have stopped it if it was too painful for him. But… That was a lie. One thing he had learned about the chimera was that he was never one to be bothered by pain. He would walk away any injury, hold himself head held high as it healed and pretending it didn’t hurt. He would do the same with pain that was not produced by wolfsbane coated bullets. It had to be hurting him.

Thinking back… what happened was beyond fucked up. Theo listened, tried to give him advice about dating other people and kissed him senseless right after. While being in love with him. And Liam can’t even try to imagine how hard that must have been for him. He knew he would have never been able to do it. It was so very Theo. And showed how right he was that the chimera never could make himself walk away and let go of Liam even when it must have been tearing him apart. Liam didn’t want to hurt Theo. But he had even if unknowingly. And will do it again. Wished he wouldn’t. But he will have to. At least one last time. Because he cared too much about Theo to let him suffer like this. He knew he had to end it. For both of their sake. More pain was inevitable.

No matter what he would do… Ending it or not Theo would end up in pain because of him. Because he didn’t love him back. He thought about pretending for a little while, really being with the chimera and letting it implode to use it as an excuse to walk away but… He wouldn’t be able to lie to Theo, the guy was a walking lie detector, and didn’t want to. They didn’t lie to each other. They left some things unsaid, let them hanging, ignored and unaddressed even if they knew. But they didn’t lie. Some people would say that keeping silent is the same as lying. But it wasn’t with them. Plus when you have werewolf senses words aren’t the only way to communicate. Even thought they never said it out loud they both knew where the other stood. It might have taken Liam more time to realize but Theo loved him and he didn’t love him back and deep down they both knew it. Even if the chimera had hope he knew. He had always known. Or else he wouldn’t have kept quiet all this time.

He just needed to be strong, to end this. Even if it was easy and comfortable. He wanted more and Theo deserved better than to stay with someone that would never love him back. Better than just being friends with benefits and it never going anywhere else. He deserved to be let go and set free. It wasn’t good for either of them. thought he had a feeling Theo wouldn’t agree. He just hoped he wouldn’t cave to the chimera. The older boy might no longer be manipulating them into making the pack fall apart but he was still very talented to get what he wanted and Liam had no doubt he would try to either distract him or talk him out of stopping this. And part of him didn’t want to do this. It really wouldn’t be too hard for Theo to convince him to keep going for a little longer. Because even if he didn’t love the chimera, Theo made him feel loved. And was really good at it. And giving this up was scary cause who knows when he will get to feel that way again? And what if next time he is the one that’s in love but not loved back? It was selfish. He knew that. And it was one more reason why he needed to end it. It was just hard. Harder than he would have imagined.

He made himself text Theo a few days after the time he tried to make himself kiss him like he loved him. He could at least tell himself that he would have given Theo a spectacular last time that even gave him hope before breaking his heart even though he was not sure that would matter in the slightest for the chimera.

It didn’t take long for Theo to show up. Just enough time for Liam to build himself up and be ready to destroy his friend’s heart.

When Theo finally arrived Liam could tell he immediately realized something wasn’t right. Which wasn’t very surprising it must be written all over his face after all, he was an open book to Theo despite the older boy having tried to teach him how to control his chemosignals. As expected Theo tried to distract him right away, kissing him and asking him if he wanted to be on top. The idea was all too appealing, letting Theo making him feel good one last time because after all he had no idea when the next time would be. But he knew that if he caved in now he would again the next time and this would drag on even longer. He had to stop it. No matter how good he knew it was about to feel. He somehow managed to push Theo’s lips back from his and finally say the words while the chimera latched onto his neck.

“We have to stop.” Theo finally pulled back at those words and looked into the beta’s eyes.

“Are your parents coming home soon? You know we can be quick.” Of course Theo would be trying to deflect, and it was again so tempting especially with the hunger he could see on the chimera’s face. Making him feel wanted and loved and it would be so easy to forget himself in those feelings. But he could also see a tiny hint of fear. Theo knowing what Liam truly meant. So he held onto that to be strong. To stop Theo. To make himself end it.

“That’s no what I mean” Theo sighed before letting go of Liam, sitting on his bed.

“I know.” Liam joined him, letting himself fall back, half lying on the bed with his calves hanging at the edge.

“We have to stop sleeping together.” He finally managed to say it. Surprisingly with less struggle than he had anticipated. In that moment he finally ended it.

“I don’t want to I’m okay with how things are.”

“It’s not okay Theo. I’m not okay with this. I…”

“It’s okay. It is. Liam I know and I don’t mind.” It might be okay for Theo. He might be willing to get the few moments he could have from Liam and be content with that but the beta wasn’t. This was not just about Theo being in love with him. It wasn’t even the biggest part of the decision if he was being honest. This was about what he wanted. And he wanted more. He wished Theo would have just agreed to leave it at that because now he would have to put his need into words and say out loud to the chimera that he could never give Liam what he wanted. He sat up and looked straight into the eyes of the boy whose heart he was about to break belonged to.

“But I do. I can’t do this anymore. It’s not about how you feel. I want more. I want a relationship I want someone in my life that I’m in love with. But that’s just… Not you.” And here was the truth. Loud and out. And the inevitable hurt in Theo’s green eyes. He knew it was coming but he still hated it.

“And you can have that and we can keep being us until you find that person. And when you do… We will just be friends.” He had expected Theo to fight him on it and here it finally was. Despite his broken heart Theo was still trying to hold on to him and it was just… Sad.

“No. You know it would be easier for me if we stop. And I won’t do that to you. I know you can’t walk away because you love me and that you would do anything for me. But this will hurt you. It has before and it would have again. And you’re my friend I don’t want to hurt you. So let me walk away for you. This is over. We are done sleeping together.”

“Liam please. Don’t do this.” A month ago he would have never thought he would see Theo beg with heartbreak in his eyes. And yet… Here they were now.

“Don’t try to make me change my mind. Just let me go.” That had to be enough. He didn’t know how much more of this he could take.

“Is this what you really want? What would make you happy?” Theo might had not said anything else but his eyes did it for him, begging Liam to stop. To take it all back. And the fact that he was asking about Liam’s happiness while the beta was basically rejecting him... Theo never needed to say the words out loud. That was enough.

“Yes” He watched as resignation settled in the chimera’s eyes. And so much pain. He looked so hurt and Liam never wanted that. Wished he could make it all better. He was probably the only person in the world that could. But he couldn’t. This was the price to pay for what he wanted. Watching as he shattered Theo’s heart.

“Okay.” Theo breathed out before getting up and adding “I guess I’ll see you around. Call me when the next monster stops in town.” He saw the chimera sleeping his mask on. Blankness taking over. Not a trace of emotion to be seen on his face. He couldn’t let him leave like that.

“We can still be friends. And you’re still my anchor. I still want you in my life. Just not like that anymore.” Theo needed to know he was always welcome and Liam still cared about him. And he never wanted to lose their friendship. The mask slipped as the chimera met Liam’s eyes. Sadness coming back on full force.

“I know. I just… need some time.”

“Of course. Just. Let me know when you’re ready.” That was only fair. He understood. He could give him some space. But selfishly he couldn’t help to hope that it wouldn’t take too long. Theo nodded and walked toward to the door, hesitating for a few second before turning around.

“I love you.” He wished Theo never said it because now he needed to hurt him even more.

“I’m sorry, I don’t.” He saw Theo’s faces. And it hurts. It was worse than before. Even if Theo knew. Hearing it… It was different. There was something so finally in this. He knew he truly broke the chimera’s heart. And it hurt him to witness it. It made him feel guilty and sad and wishing things could be different yet again. He knew he should at least face it until the end. Theo deserves that much. For him to be brave but he couldn’t. He had to look away. Closed his eyes. Breathed out and then inhale. Opened his eyes again and looked back toward the door. But Theo was gone. Disappeared just like a ghost. His lingering scent mixed with sadness in the air the only proof he was even in Liam’s room that afternoon. The only proof that he couldn’t take any of it back. Not that he wanted to. Because as much as it hurt him to give up the comfort of Theo’s love, to hurt Theo like that… It was only temporary for him. He also could feel something else. Hope. Feeling like he had his whole life ahead of him and that nothing was stopping him from finding someone to love.

Just like this it was over. Theo couldn’t quite let it sink in. There was no denial possible, no hopeless dreams to have even if he never had let himself fully believe in it a part of him still had hoped for a miracle after all the nights they had spent together. To get what he wanted. What he knew he could never have. Now it was just… Undeniably real. And he hated how it made him feel. How it was more painful than physically getting his heart ripped out of his chest by the sister he murdered. He knew since the second time they slept together that one day it would stop. That Liam would crush the small hope he couldn’t help but hold on to. It just… he tried so hard not to have any because he knew exactly how it would end. But hope was a complex thing to squash. And it seems like it was all pointless anyway because it still hurt like hell having Liam saying out loud that he doesn’t love him back. Hearing how his heart hadn’t skipped a beat, smelling his chemosignals, witnessing how true that statement was with all of his senses. Even if he already knew. It didn’t stop him from feeling the pain.

It took time. Time to process. Time to be able to see Liam without having his heart aching so much he couldn’t stand it. Despite knowing this was the inevitable end… And the fact that they weren’t doing much sleeping together anymore lately… It was still harder than he thought it would be to be near the beta with eyes so blue it had made him lost himself in them so many times. And a part of him, the one that was still hopelessly in love and always will be, wanted to just push trough and be there for Liam. Be his friend. Be his anchor, help him calm down and stay in control. Give him whatever he needed. But the other part of him… The one that was groomed for years by the dread doctors, the one that did not take kindly to rejection, failure, and being told no wanted to burn everything to the ground. Wanted to unleash the kind of power he didn’t have anymore, wanted revenge. Wanted to find a way to make Liam pay for hurting him so much. Wanted to hurt back just as hard.

The darkness is still inside him, the ugly parts that he had kept hidden from everyone still alive. They all think he had changed. He had, just not as much as they thought he did and keeping in check is harder than it looked. Fighting of his instinct for destruction is not easy, especially when he is in that much pain and all he wants to do is lash out. And the one thing that had been helping him, reminding him why he had to try so hard, to stay in control and not give in, was Liam. But the beta couldn’t help him this time. He was the reason behind it all. He could still do it for the beta, stay on the right path for him but he couldn’t be around him to help. Couldn’t go to him and lose himself in the werewolf’s arms until his brain quieted down. He never will be able to do that again. He had to do this by himself. Which, was bound to happen eventually so all in all it’s a good thing he has to face this alone. To learn to do the one thing he consistently used someone’s help for on his own. Liam wouldn’t always be there when he will need a reminder of why he was not letting himself go back to who he was. This was just a taste of what the rest of his life will be.

Part of him thought about it, not trying. Just giving in. Leaving Beacon Hills behind and going back to fighting mercilessly for what he wants and doing everything to obtain it without a care in the world about collateral damage. But despite it all he still loved Liam. And he wanted Liam safe and happy. Since this was Beacon Hills it meant staying. And trying. To be someone Liam could call a friend. Be the best version of himself. Be able to protect the beta from anything that could bring him harm. So he had to make himself let go of his need for revenge. 

Made himself compartmentalize and see Liam again. Be a friend and anchor. Loving him from the shadows, as he had always done, doing his best to protect the beta. And ready to fight any threats coming his way. He made himself be okay. Pushed past the pain and locked it away. Cherish the time he had with Liam. The moments his body was Theo for a few hours at the time. Remembering fondly what it was like to be with him and have the warmth from the werewolf seeping into his skin. And smile at the memories. Not having Liam will always hurt but at least he had happy memories to treasure and remember while life moved on. So he smiled when he finally hanged out with Liam alone again while they played video games on the very same bed they used to have sex on. He smiled through countless pizza slices and terrible jokes. Smiled even when it hurt. And he smiled at Liam and told him he was happy for him when the beta went on a date with that new guy. And again when the beta told him about the second date. He smiled until problems started.

No one expected it when it happened. Beacon Hills had been quiet for a while. Summer holidays had started, the whole pack was back from college and enjoying themselves. They all went to a waterpark together one day. Liam, Mason and Corey were making the most of their last summer before college. Theo was hanging out with them when he wasn’t working. Him and Liam were good friends again. It took Theo a month to be able to be around the beta again but another month had been enough to make their new relationship feel as normal as it could be. It was good. Life was good.

Until it wasn’t. Until the killing started… again. It really shouldn’t be that surprising considering this was Beacon Hills and who even still lived there with the murder rate? How the town still had inhabitants was more of a mystery to Theo than all the shit that happened in it. Still no one expected things to get this bad this fast. People seemingly were just dropping dead. Every day the number of victims climbed. It actually took them a while to realize something was happening since the deaths were ruled as heart attacks. It was Melissa that first brought up the unusual amount of heart attack death per day. The victim count just kept on climbing, soon enough it was getting close to the one from when the dread doctors where playing with the beast. The pack did what they always do. Trying to save everyone. And Theo helped. How could he not when it was time he got to spend with Liam and finding a way to protect him from whatever was happening.

They did find out what caused the death eventually. It was nothing they expected. A curse. Meant to kill everyone in Beacon Hills. They were pretty sure it was a witch who lost someone they loved to the hunters that did it. Cause at first the only death were people who sided with Monroe under the influence of the anukite. The ones that went back to normal once it was all over. The ones who didn’t run away with her and keep on the fight. Deaton figured out what the curse was. An ancient one. That would eventually kill everyone in the city. It could only be stopped by the person who casted it or by a sacrifice. The curse was based on the revenge over the loss of the loved one. So it could only be stopped by someone choosing to lose themselves from their loved one. Which meant someone in love had to be willing to sacrifice themselves and leave the one they loved behind.

How ironic. The boy who survived anything. He used to be willing to do anything to survive. And now… He could laugh at it really. The moment Deaton explained that they needed a sacrifice, before he even detailed what kind Theo knew he would be willing to do it. To save Liam. But now… it felt as if the world just made him into the perfect solution. He was in love, willing to die for the beta. And the person he chose to let go would not miss him. He didn’t have a family. Or a pack. Not really. The perfect sacrifice.

He watched as the pack scrambled around, trying to find another way, trying to make Deaton suddenly have a magic solution that would save everyone. Listening as the veterinarian explained that no they couldn’t just bring the sacrifice back or else the counter curse would break and the deaths would pick back right where they left off. Theo knew it was pointless. Maybe there was a loophole, but they didn’t have the time to find it. Every time someone died the next one would happen sooner. 12 people died the day before, 5 were already reported and it would be 24 by midnight, 48 the day after… They couldn’t afford to wait another day. Theo knew what he had to do. Wished there was another way. Wish he didn’t have to die. But at least that way the person he loved would be safe for a bit longer. Would get the chance to survive and have a life once this was over.

He looked at the wolf. Taking him in before he changed everything. Knowing that when he will talk Liam will never look at him like he used to. It will only be sadness, pity and guilt. He just wanted to let himself enjoy Liam one last time. Wishing the beta was smiling instead of brainstorming with Deaton, Scott and Mason. But he will take what he can get and enjoy it still. Watching while he willed himself into saying the words that would change everything. End everything he spent years fighting for. His own survival. Breathing in and out. Eyes focused on Liam. Reminding himself of why he was doing this.

“I’ll do it.” Loud enough for everyone to hear. Everyone was staring he knew, but he was only seeing the blue of Liam’s eyes locked with his. Witnessing Liam understanding what he was talking about, the fighting starting to build inside the beta to prevent it. Of course Liam didn’t want to lose his friend, his anchor. And Theo had to shut it down. Couldn’t let Liam talk him out of it. Just like Liam hadn’t let Theo talked him out of letting go of him all those months ago.

“What? Theo no.” It was no surprise that Liam was the first one to object but he was ready.

“yes. It’s the only option. You need a sacrifice. And while I’m sure we could find a random citizen in love and willing to sacrifice themselves to save the one they love I know that none of you would be okay with killing them. Every single one of you have families, people that can’t lose you. I don’t. I’m the perfect sacrifice.” They had to see that. There was no denying that. Out of everyone in the pack that could qualify for this he was by far the best option.

“It’s not an option to me.” The fact that Liam was fighting for him… It felt good even if he had to make it stop a part of him couldn’t help but thrive at the fact that Liam was not willing to let go just yet.

“It is. You know it is.” He hated it. But it was the only solution they had.

“Theo you don’t have to do this we can find another way.” Scott chimed in. Of course the alpha wouldn’t want him to die but they were both delusional. It was going to happen.

“Come on we don’t have time to find another solution if one even exists. I’m volunteering. You can see it as payment for all the things I did if it makes you feel better. I am your solution to save everyone. So let me.” Maybe they were just arguing for the form. To make it seemed like they hadn’t just accepted to let him die to save everyone but… It was pointless they had to see that by now.

“He is right Liam. We don’t have time.” Mason. The voice of reason. The one person that could actually convince the beta to let go.

“I agree with Mr Hewitt and Mr Raeken. We are running out of time to consider other options. I can do the ritual in an hour. Mr Raeken, I suggest you use this time wisely.” Deaton said while walking away, leaving the 3 supernatural creatures and Mason on their own. Efficiently ending the pointless argument. It was happening. That was it then. He really was about to die in roughly 60 minutes. That was the time he had left in this world. It was kinda terrifying. The thought of dying. And what would come next. It was different though. A different kind of fear than the one he was used to have when facing the possibility of death with the Dread Doctors. Less all consuming. He was not as afraid as he would have guessed. And he didn’t feel sad. He knew what he had to do. Why he was doing it. So, weirdly he was at peace with his imminent death.

“no we are not doing this.” The beta’s voice pulled him back from his thoughts to the room where everyone was staring at him.

“Liam…” Scott breathed out. He didn’t want to fight anymore. It was going to happen and Liam had to accept that. But he could also sense the anger rising in the beta and that would not make it easy.

“No we are about saving people, letting Theo die is not saving people.” Liam was wrong. They just had to get him to accept that.

“It is. It’s saying everyone. Except me. Sometimes you have to make sacrifice to win. I’m the sacrifice. Let it go Liam. Let me go.” Liam would understand what he was saying. Understand he was asking him to do what he did once already. The beta knew how to let Theo go. He proved it in his own bedroom months ago. Theo was just asking him to do it one more time.

“We have to do this, even if I hate it they’re right Liam it’s the only way we have. If we don’t everyone is going to die.” Mason spoke out, hopefully managing to get through Liam. He had to at least listen to his best friend.

“We can find someone else.” Liam tried to plead, eyes begging. And the part of Theo that was so weak for those eyes, that wanted to do anything to satisfy them wanted to do just that. But he wouldn’t.

“I could do it. I would. But Theo is right. We have families and people that love us to think about. I can’t do this to my mom when there is another way. Sorry Theo.” Scott said while giving him an apologetic face. Even though he just said it himself earlier, hearing it from another person. Being reminded he wasn’t loved hurts. “And if Theo wants to do it I can’t stop him.”

Theo could smell the anger still, wanted to go to Liam, anchor him down. But he couldn’t. Not this time. So he watched as Liam looked at the three of them and walked away while saying he needed some air. Mason was quick to go after him leaving him alone with Scott in an awkward silence.

“Thank you for doing this.” Scott said while finally breaking the silence after awkwardly clearing his throat.

“I’m not doing it for you.” He didn’t really know what to answer so that seems as good as anything else. And it’s not like it was a secret. They all had to know Theo was only willing to sacrifice himself to save Liam. Or they would have to be really dumb to not have gotten it by now.

“I know. But still. You’re going to save us all so... Thank you. And I promise I will look after him and do everything I can to protect him.” Scott didn’t need to name the beta. They both knew who he meant. And he appreciated the alpha’s promise. That was the one thing he was truly worried about. Leaving Liam with no one to protect him like Theo used to. Hopefully Scott will be able to stay true to his word.

“You better. All of you. Because I won’t be there anymore to save his ass so if you don’t I’ll find a way to haunt the whole pack.” And he meant it. He had no idea what was waiting for him after. But he would find a way if they failed Liam. He was doing this so the beta would live and he was not going to give up his life for Liam to be killed by hunters in 3 months.

“We got this. I promise. We won’t let him down. Let you down. And what you’re doing? Even if it’s just for Liam… this is huge. You changed. You deserve more out of life than this end.” Theo snorted. Scott had no idea how wrong he was. It was the opposite. Dying by sacrifice. Saving others. It was a much more noble end that he deserved.

“Sure. It probably compensates for all the death I brought in the world.” There was no point in arguing, that was not something he wanted to waste his time with with the little time he had left to live. Letting Scott believe he was a better person than he actually was wasn’t the worst thing in the world. They went back to sitting in silence, Scott visibly uncomfortable, only staying because he didn’t want to leave Theo alone. They stayed like this until the chimera couldn’t take it anymore and told the alpha to go to Liam too. Saying he would be fine. He watched as the alpha walked away with minal argument and not even a minute later Mason came back in, taking Scott’s place sitting down next to the chimera. He had no doubt the alpha had sent him.

“Is this babysitting Theo hour?” He didn’t need any of them to stay with him so he wouldn’t be alone just because it would make them feel guilty if they did. Sadly leaving the guy that would save their ass on his own until everything was ready for him to die did not sounds like something those do-gooders would be okay doing.

“More like having a last moment with a friend.” Yeah… he was trying to not think too much about that. Because if he started… He wasn’t sure he could handle thinking about how in an hour he would no longer exist. And even less having to ponder about what would happen to him. What happened after death. So he deflected.

“How is he?” Mason looked at him for a second, assessing, probably considering if he should let Theo get away with this or not before answering.

“A mess. Rationnally, he knows it’s the best solution but… It doesn’t make it any easier. He really doesn’t want you to die.” He knew that already but yet again he couldn’t help the part of him that was thriving whenever he heard those words. Liam might not love him back but he still loved him enough to not be okay with his imminent death. And that… Helped him to tame the part of him that wanted to survive no matter the cost, that was screaming at him to run far away from this hellhole of a town as fast as he possibly could.

“Yeah well… I want him to live more than I don’t want to die.” He had that realization so long ago by now… Maybe him dying for Liam, even if this curse hadn’t been happening, was his inevitable ending.

“I’m sorry.”

“What for? It’s my choice.” Mason had nothing to be sorry for. He knew what he was doing. At least he liked to think that he did.

“Not that. For all the pain you must have gone through with Liam. I’m sorry he couldn’t give you what you wanted.”

“Me too.” What else was there to say? It was sad but it was also life. Being rejected. Loving but not being loved back. It was so very human and normal. Probably the most normal part of his life. In all likelihood millions of people were experiencing it at the same time as him. What else was there to say about it? So they stayed sitting in silence until Theo opened his mouth again. There was one thing Mason could do for him. One thing he could ask of the human.

“Tell Corey he was a good friend. And that if he ever needs it. It’s hidden where it all started for him. He knew he should call and tell the other chimera himself but he really didn’t feel like it. It might not make sense to the human but Corey will understand. And maybe he will explain or keep it to himself. That was his choice to make. But just in case something went wrong he needed to give his friend an emergency solution if he ever started bleeding mercury again.

“I will.” Mason agreed despite the confusion in his face. He hadn’t meant to be cryptic but this wasn’t his secret to tell.

“And don’t let Liam mope around too much and don’t ever let him feel guilty over this or think he could have found another way. Also don’t let him have another person for an anchor ever again.” If there was anyone that could look out for Liam’s wellbeing it was his best friend. Theo probably didn’t even need to ask for this as Mason would have done it anyway but… It couldn’t hurt. He wanted to do as much as he could before he was gone. And it turned out that with nothing left to live for all he cared about was Liam. And his safety and well-being.

“I’ll do my best.” He believed that. They fell in silence once more. There was no point talking about video games when he will never play again. Plus, Mason had to know he wasn’t the person Theo wanted to talk to right now.

A part of him wanted to go outside and get what he wanted but Liam walked out. Clearly needing some time. Theo would let him have that. He just hoped Liam would want to see him before it’s too lateand his time had run out. And until then… He didn’t have anything to do but sit beside Mason. He had nothing to say to Deaton and didn’t really feel like sitting in the same room as him, watching the veterinarian get everything ready for his upcoming death. That was a bit too dark even for him. He had no one to call. Not the pack or anyone else he knew. He didn’t have anything he wanted to say to them. So he waited. Hoping he would get to have some time with the beta before his death.

Luckily it didn’t take long before Scott came back inside and pronounce the magic words he had wanted to hear ever since the beta left the room.

“Liam is ready to talk to you.” Music to his ears really.

“Thanks.” Theo got up, ready to join Liam outside. He didn’t know what to expect of their last conversation. Wasn’t even sure about what he wanted to tell the beta. He just knew he wanted to spend this time with him. Even if it’s just sitting in silence next to each other. He only wanted to be with Liam one last time. Being next to him, looking into those beautiful blue eyes of his. He was stopped before he could reach the door by Mason engulfing him in a hug. He froze in shock, he hadn’t expected the gesture from the human.

“Thank you. You’re saving the guy I love too. And I’m gonna miss you.” The human whispered before letting go and pushing him toward the door. Toward the werewolf he was in love with. Through the glassed door he could see Liam from the back, sitting and hugging his knees, before he even reached him. Could sense the sadness emanating from him just by this visual. Soon enough he was on the floor next to the beta. Shoulder pressed together at a poor attempt at comfort.

What do you even say to the person you love, the person you are about to die for knowing it’s the last time you will ever talk? It’s not like he had his undying love to profess. The beta didn’t care about that. He had definitely not thought this through enough. Luckily he didn’t have to ponder too much on it as Liam spoke first.

“I’m not doing this. We are not doing this. This. Not happening cause we are not doing this stupid ass plan of yours.” Theo couldn’t help but smile. Of course Liam wouldn’t have accepted it yet. Would still be ready to fight him on it. That’s just who he was. Unwilling to let anyone he cared about die. To let anyone die to be honest. Even people he didn’t like. He wished Liam was right. That there was a way. That he could stay by the beta’s side. But there wasn’t. And he will have to make Liam accept that. He had to take a deep breathe before locking eyes with the beta and starting.

“it’s too late. There is not magical last minute solution that can saves us all. So shut up and listen. This will happen. No matter how you feel about it. And I love that you are so against it but it’s not going to chance what needs to be done. You are all going to live and be okay. I am the solution. It’s kinda perfect really when you think about it, I am the ideal sacrifice for this, it’s as it was made for me. But that’s not the point. There is no stopping this. It has to happen. We have to end the curse and you guys wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if we waited one more day only to fail to find another solution and knowing you would have let all those people die for nothing. We have to stop the deaths. So I have to die. You wouldn’t be able to let innocent people die and live with that guilt.”

“They’re not so innocent.”

“Well neither am I.” So far the dead might be people who sided with the hunters and Liam might still be holding a grudge against them but Theo has his fair share of blood on his hands too. Plus… The whole one life for hundreds things. Around 50 000 in this case. He was not worth the 48 lives that would end if they waited another day. And certainly not the whole city.

Liam stayed quiet for a moment before softly admitting with tears forming in his eyes “I don’t want you to die.” Something in Theo’s heart broke when he heard those words. And in that moment he wanted nothing more than to take it all back. Tell Liam he wouldn’t do it just so the tears and sadness would vanish from his face. That he would let everyone else die and just run away with the beta to keep him safe. Tell him he wasn’t going to lose him. But he couldn’t. Because he knew Liam would get over his death much more easily than the one of all the people they would be letting die. Not being able to save his former bully had messed him up pretty bad almost a year ago. So all those people… He couldn’t let Liam go through that again. And as an added bonus the beta would get to stay alive. There was no point in Theo sparing Liam this pain if the beta wouldn’t survive another two weeks.

“I know. And I don’t want to die either. I’ve survived so far after all. I spent so many years fighting to do just that. But I want you to live too. So…” And there laid the unsaid truth of this all directly to Liam’s face. Theo wasn’t doing it to make up for his past, or to save the whole town or any of the pack really. Not that he thought the beta would have believe that anyway. He was doing it to save him. Liam was the reason Theo was willing to give up his life. And will go through with it. Because Theo is still in love with him despite the fact that he knew Liam would never love him back. It didn’t matter. Never changed anything for him. For as long as he was in love with the beta he would always do what was necessary to insure Liam’s safety and happiness. Wherever that meant smiling through his pain and pretending to be okay, kissing Liam to make him feel nothing but pleasure or sacrificing himself he would do it.

The tears finally rolled down on the beta’s cheek as he was accepting that there was no stopping this. “I’m gonna miss you so much.” He wished he could magically take Liam’s pain away but this was no bullet wound. There was nothing he could do about this kind of injury. The worst kind of pain was emotional pain after all. There was no enhanced healing to take it all away in a few minutes. He just hoped that it wouldn’t take too long for the beta to heal from it.

“You will be okay eventually.” It was the truth. With time Liam will get over this and he knew he will have the support of his friends, pack and family to carry him through it. That’s how grief works. It was just a matter of how much time it would take for him to get there.

Liam looked at him with his blue eyes filled with tears and Theo couldn’t help but wipe them away as the beta spoke. “I don’t think I will ever be okay with this.” Theo had to force himself to let go of the werewolf’s face before answering back.

“You will. Don’t feel guilty. This is my choice. It’s not on you. So hate me if you have to but don’t blame yourself for this. Just be happy Liam. Find what you’re looking for. Find the person you want to be with. If that’s Luke then good but if it’s not… never stop looking. Don’t settle for anything less than what you want. Also get out of this hellhole as soon as you can.” There was one thing he needed to help Liam with before going. He knew he was Liam’s anchor and that will be his real challenge. Being anchorless. So he needed to help him get another one. “And get a better anchor. Seriously no more messed up murderer that kinda turned out not as bad as they could have been. In fact if you could avoid having a person as one at all that would be even better cause like… That never ends well. People… They can leave or die or… It’s not reliable enough. Just find something you can always have. Something in you that reminds you of your humanity. That brings you back. And use it as an anchor.”

“I’ll try.” Liam said while laughing sadly. He wished he could do more. But he didn’t have that kind of time so this would have to be enough. At least his advice should stay with Liam given the circumstances and he knew the beta will be true to his word and try his best. He couldn’t help himself. Watching the boy he loves, the boy he was giving up his life for, cry because he wanted Theo to live… It somehow made it all okay because it meant Liam cared. The beta might not be in love with him but he cared enough. More than Theo could have ever hoped for. Mora than he deserved. Even though Theo never doubted that because that’s just who Liam was. Of course he would care. The tears just cemented it and made his sacrifice even more worth it. He will always have this. No matter Liam’s future, he may not be the beta’s epic love, may just be a friend he used to sleep with but he will always be the friend that sacrificed his own life for the beta. The person that insure he would get to live his life. And in that way he knew he will always be with the beta. He knew he could finally let go.

Seeing Theo like this, seemingly so calm about it all was… Disconcerting. He was about to die and was fine with it and it just made Liam sad really. Being this okay with dying was not normal. It shouldn’t be. And he wished he could do something about it. But this was Theo and he didn’t know how he could help. If he could even help. If anyone could. And more realistically there probably was not enough time left to do anything anyway. But he had to try and do whatever he could. Had to at least ask.

“is there anything I can do? Anyone you want to talk to? Anyone we should call... After?” He hated having to ask this but… It felt like the right thing to do. Make sure that at least everything was taken care of for the chimera. That he got to say goodbye to anyone he cared about. That people wouldn’t wonder why he disappeared.

“No. I have no one Liam, not like you guys do.” It made his heart ache because in that moment he could truly see how alone the chimera was. He always knew that Theo didn’t really have friends or family but it never truly dawned on him how much that meant until he heard Theo said there was no one to call after he died. He knew that if it was him he would have so many people to call. One hour would never be enough time. But Theo… It was as if he could have just waited alone and in silence until it was time. And he couldn’t stand that. Theo did have someone. He had friends, one at the very least. He was someone’s anchor. He was not alone. He won’t be. Not anymore.

“You have me.”

“No. I don’t. I never did. No really.”

Liam knew what Theo meant. Theo loved him, and he knew the chimera was doing this for him. So that he would live. The chimera would say he was Liam’s cause the beta was the one that had an hold on Theo’s heart. The one the chimera would do anything for. And while Theo was his friend and he would do many things to save him it wasn’t the same. His heart didn’t belong to the chimera, not the way he knew Theo’s heart belonged to him even if he didn’t want it. He didn’t love the older boy back. Theo has Liam’s friendship, had his body for a while but never his heart. And Liam couldn’t help but notice the sadness in Theo’s eyes as he said those words.

Part of him wanted to apologize but… he couldn’t very well say sorry I don’t love you. So he said nothing. Letting the silence wash over them. Thinking back on how much things has changed for them since Theo first came to Beacon Hills. Since he used the sword to get Theo out of the skinwalker’s prison and they first worked together. How he used to be at Theo’s throat. Always ready to fight him. The chimera was very good at getting under his skin. Admittedly there was also the whole unresolved issue of Theo having manipulated him that didn’t make it easy for them. Liam did had a hard time getting past that. But the first time he really let himself fight with Theo. That was something else. And that moment before it in the elevator when he admitted to himself he was attracted to Theo and that things were changing. When him and Theo really started to become friends. When Theo proclaimed he wouldn’t die for Liam. He couldn’t help but laugh at that now.

“What?”

“I thought you weren’t supposed to die for me” he could tell from Theo’s quizzical look that he did not caught the reference. “Back in the elevator. With the hunters…” That was what the chimera had declared. And yet here they were now…

“Oh… You remembered?” The fact that Theo seemed surprised… Like he never expected Liam to remember those moments because the beta didn’t love him back. Because they wouldn’t mean as much to Liam as they did to Theo. Yet again Liam was reminded of Theo’s love for him. Theo’s lack of expectation. And it was so heartbreaking to think about. He wished they had more time. Wished there was a way to give Theo some happiness before he died. He deserved that much.

“Of course. First time we truly fought together. We did good.” He would never forget. To this day, after doing it many more times, it was still so impressive how well Theo and him fought together. And he will miss that too. No longer having someone would knew your every move and could react perfectly to them in a fight… It will need some time to get used to and definitely be a big loss. Especially with how many fights they always found themselves into living in Beacon Hills and all...

“Yeah… Guess I lied.” Theo answered with a smirk on his face. It felt good to see it. Almost normal. He missed the snark that always came hand in hand with the chimera but was nowhere to be seen now. It made sense though, considering the situation. There wasn’t much to be snarky about. He wondered if Theo knew back then already. That it was a lie. But he wasn’t about to ask. Theo already gave enough of himself to Liam. And part of him didn’t want to know for how long Theo knew he was in love and still stayed in Liam’s bed. It wasn’t his to know. He could live with morbid curiosity unanswered.

“I never said it before but thank you. For freeing me back then.” He hadn’t expected that. It felt like it’s been so long since then. Almost like another life. It was weird that it was being brought back up. But it also made sense. For Theo to say things he knew he would never get the chance to again.

“I’m glad I did.” And he was. He had his doubts at first back then but what Theo brought in his life after was so precious to him. He saved him so many times before this curse even started. And in many ways too. Theo became his anchor and made sure Liam wasn’t doing anything he would regret when he was lost in the anger and his IED took over. And that… It meant more to the beta than he could ever put in words. “And thank you. For saving me all those times. Especially from myself.”

“You know why I did.” For the longest time he didn’t though and a part of him always wondered then why Theo started saving and protecting him. Wondering if it was because Theo felt like he owed Liam for breaking him free. But the answer turned out to be something as simple as human love. And Theo’s love was beautiful. It was constant. And everywhere. He wished for Theo that he could have gotten to experienced it with someone that would have loved him back. But he was also glad he was the one that got to experience it. That he had the privilege of having the chimera willing to do anything for him. Even die.

There was one thing he needed Theo to know. Before… That he wasn’t the only one. That he too would be willing to sacrifice himself. That he wished he was in love with someone so he could have been an option. Could have offered himself too.

“I would have done it too. If I could.”

“I know and I wouldn’t let you.” He had no doubt about that. And if he loved Theo he would have fought much harder than he had. He would not be letting the chimera go through with it. He knew he wouldn’t be able to let the person he was in love with die for him. And Theo was about to go through that knowing he wasn’t loved. That’s when it hit him. There was a way he could make Theo happy for the rest of his life. As short as it might be. Even if he couldn’t stop this, could only stand by as Theo dies for him he could give him this. A little white lie. Tell him words he probably dreamed to hear. Make him believe just for a while that he wasn’t as alone as he thought. Give him what he wanted for the last few minutes he had to live.

“I love you.” It wasn’t a lie. Not really. So his heart didn’t skip a beat. He still couldn’t make himself look Theo in the eyes as he said the words though. He knew they would betray him. He did love him. Just… As a friend. Not in the same way Theo loved him. He wasn’t in love with the chimera. But he could tell him so still and give him a shred of happiness before his life ended.

Theo looked at him with a sadness in his eyes Liam wasn’t quite sure he understood. Then the chimera leaned in and warm lips met his. It was the softest they had ever kissed. And there it was. In its full glory. More powerful than ever. The love Liam had always felt coming from Theo, even when he didn’t know what it was, pouring from his lips. What he had missed most ever since he let go of the chimera. Feeling so loved. So he kissed back. Enjoyed what he knew would be their final kiss. Letting Theo decide where he wanted this to go. Willing to make it last as long as the chimera needed. Giving him this last kiss as much as he was taking for himself, a last taste of Theo’s love. The chimera kept the kiss gentle, lips simply pressed together and all too soon he pulled back, resting his forehead on Liam’s for a moment before fulling separating their body. He was surprised to see that the incomprehensible sadness was still there in the chimera’s eyes. He thought he would have seen at least lingering happiness in them. But there wasn’t any.

“No you don’t. But thanks for saying it anyway.”

He understood the sadness then. There was no happiness in Theo for finally hearing the words because they weren’t true and the chimera knew it. He had appreciated what Liam did but he knew still. He wasn’t that surprised that Theo realized he was lying. Knew he didn’t mean it, not in that way. Should have known he couldn’t deceive the chimera. Couldn’t give him that one thing. Despite wanting to. It was selfish and selfless at the same time. Trying to give Theo what he wants to give him a shred of happiness while he still could feel it. But also doing it to pay for what the chimera was about to do for the town. For the pack. For him. To lessen the guilt. To know he too paid for Theo’s sacrifice in a sense. That in exchange he made Theo feel happy.

“I’m sorry” Sorry he lied. Sorry he couldn’t make himself be in love with Theo. Not even now for what he had left of his life. Not even when Theo was dying for him. Though a tiny part of him was glad about that because if he did. If he had managed to make himself love Theo… The pain he would to endure would have been so much worse than it already was and he was not sure he would have been able to handle that.

“Don’t be.” Theo said while grabbing his hand. Holding on tight. And Liam let him. He might not have been able to give Theo a fleeting happiness but he could hold his hand back letting Theo feel his presence while he still could. Making sure he wouldn’t be alone until the very end. He held on back just as tight because he might not be in love with Theo but this was still a friend he was losing. His anchor. And it hurt. He didn’t want to lose him. So he held on too. Grasping for any minute they git to have. For as long as he could.

They stayed there. Sitting in front of the clinic door in silence. They didn’t have anything else to say. They didn’t need words anymore. Just each other. Liam trying to be there for Theo. Giving him his presence. Theo holding onto his last minutes with the person he loved. Hands linked still.

But it couldn’t last forever. Time hadn’t stopped. And eventually Deaton opened the door, had to tell them that everything was ready. The veterinarian guided them toward the exam room they knew all too well before looking at Theo and asking “Are you ready?” Liam said no before the chimera could even reply. He was not ready to let go. He wanted more time. And Theo was looking at him with this mixture of love and sadness in his eyes proclaiming Liam will be okay before declaring that he was ready, asking what he needed to do.

As if the fact that they had to do a creepy ritual was not enough, Deaton told them Theo had to proclaim he was choosing to lose himself from his loved one, to leave his loved one behind as he was willing to give up his life. Couldn’t at least Theo just have to sit and endure? Why did he have to pronounce words that reminded them all of what was happening. And why did they have to be those words. He really didn’t want Theo’s last words to be that he was dying because he loved Liam.

The veterinarian walked the chimera and rest of them through what was about to happen and Liam could do nothing but listen as the emissary told them how Theo’s heart would stop once the counter curse was cast. Before they knew it Deaton told Theo to go lay on the table. Liam didn’t really think. He didn’t want this, didn’t want to let go so he grabbed the chimera and pulled him in his arms. And he held on tight, letting his head rest against the chimera’s neck. Breathing in the scent of his anchor. Trying to burn it in his memory. And rejoicing in the feeling of Theo’s arms around him. Holding him back just as tight. It had always made him feel safe. Knowing Theo wouldn’t let anything bad happen to him. The fact that it was also the very reason that this would be the last time the chimera will ever hold him. The last time he will feel the love from the chimera’s embrace. The last time he will have his friend standing with him. It was all too much. Tears were rolling down his eyes once again and being swallowed by Theo’s shirt.

He wished the moment didn’t have to end. Knew that as long as he kept his arms around the chimera he would stay alive. He wouldn’t lose his friend. His arms were a barrier between life and death. He just wanted to give him a bit more time. But he also knew he had to be strong. Even if letting go felt like killing Theo himself. It took all of his strength to make himself step back. But he did it.

“You’ll be okay.” Theo reassured him while wiping away the beta’s tears and smiling softly at him before stepping back too and hopping on the table. Liam watched as the chimera lay down and nodded at Deaton. Watched as Scott went and squeezed the chimera’s shoulder and Theo turned his head, looking into Liam’s eyes. It’s the first time since the curse started that he saw fear in those eyes. And he wanted it gone. He rushed to the chimera’s side and grabbed his hand. He won’t let go. Won’t let Theo be afraid and feel alone. He did let go of Theo so many times before but not anymore.

When Deaton asked Theo to say the words… He wanted Theo to shut up. To not open his mouth. Even though he knew this was about saving the town. Saving everyone else. All he cared about right now was that he was losing his friend and it hurt. So damn much. Listening to Theo as he said “ I am choosing to lose myself from my loved one. Choosing to leave him behind. To sacrifice myself so he shall live.” made it all worse.

He could hear the emissary recite words but he couldn’t focus on them. They were only background noise as all his senses were zeroed in on Theo. Taking in his steady heartbeat, his comforting scent for as long as he still could. Holding onto his anchor. Eyes locked with the chimera. Desperately holding on. Waiting for the inevitable.

“Liam?” Theo’s voice surprised him. He hadn’t expected the chimera to say anything else.

“Yes?” he answered while squeezing the chimera’s hand.

“I love you.” Theo’s voice and eyes were filled with desperation, heartbeat speeding up in dread of what was to come, he could feel his own heart squeeze in his chest at the sight.

“I know.” What else was he supposed to say to that? The last words of his dying friend. That was the thing Theo felt he needed to say before leaving and it hurt. His heart ached for Theo loving him so damn much and knowing he wasn’t loved back. Ached because he was watching his friend die in front of his eyes while he held his hand. Was letting it happen. Wasn’t stopping it. Even if he knew there was nothing he could do to end it… It didn’t make it any better. He wanted to scream at Deaton to stop but he couldn’t make himself do it. Theo had been right he couldn’t let all those people die. So instead he kept his eyes open, tears falling and never looked away from Theo. Not letting him feel alone even for a second as Deaton completed the ritual and life left the chimera’s body.

He watched the light and love leave Theo’s eyes until they were just blank and empty. Listened as his heartbeat stopped and lungs didn’t fill up anymore. It made his heart ache with grief and soon enough the chimera’s face became blurred by the tears in his eyes.

Theo was gone. Liam couldn’t hear his heartbeat anymore and that was all that mattered to him in that moment. The sound he had focused on so many times to calm down. To not wolf out and keep himself anchored was gone. Just like that. Forever.

He could hear Deaton saying that the ritual worked. That Theo did it. He saved them all. Saved him. Probably the only thing the chimera would have cared about. Not that it matters now anyway because he was gone. And Liam missed him already. So much. All he wanted was for Theo to open his eyes and look at him and be there. Alive. But it wasn’t happening. Never will. It felt as if he had lost something in him. As if he was adrift. He knew he should but he couldn’t let go. Not yet. He had let go of the chimera so many times before but not this time. He would hold on for as long as he could. Theo deserved that much at least. To not be let go before his body was even cold. He knew tears were rolling down his face. He could feel the shirt he was clinching in the hand that wasn’t still linked with the chimera’s unmoving one, dampening by the minutes and he knew it was by his tears.

He stayed there holding onto the chimera, crying, wishing there was something they could do to fix this. To bring him back. It all happened so fast it seemed. Theo had been alive and save in his arms just minutes ago and he let go and now the chimera was dead on a veterinary operating table. And he felt broken. He missed him already. Missed his anchor. Missed his friend. Missed knowing there was someone always in his corner ready to protect him. Missed feeling safe. Missed knowing there was someone alive out there that loved him more than anything. Missed feeling loved.

He wasn’t sure he would ever feel as loved as Theo made him feel. Wasn’t sure anyone will ever love him as the chimera did. Part of him hoped that no one ever would because it would mean being willing to sacrifice themselves. And he didn’t want that. He wanted someone ready to live with him. But part of him craved it. Wanted to love like this too. Love and give everything he had. The chimera may be gone but his sacrifice and the memory of his love will stay with him forever.

Ironically Theo may have made it impossible for Liam to find a love good enough. The chimera had set the bar of feeling loved so high that he wasn’t sure anyone else could ever reach it. And he wasn’t sure he would be able to settle for anything less. He had let go of the chimera all those months ago because he wanted to feel that all consuming love for himself. He just hoped he would find it and Theo hadn’t been his only shot at feeling loved like this. It also felt as it would honor Theo and his sacrifice. He died for love, so Liam could live. And finding love would feel like a good way to to fully take advantage of the life the chimera gave him. It wouldn’t bring him back though. And right now he was willing to give up any chance at finding this love if it meant getting the chimera back. He never wanted this. Never wanted Theo to die for him.

All he could hold on to was that he stayed with the chimera. He didn’t leave him alone to die. And even though Theo knew he lied, knew it wasn’t real… Liam got to let the chimera hear him say I love you. Like Theo probably had dreamed about. Dreamed of Liam saying those words to him at least once. Theo got to die with the person he loved holding his hand. Knowing he was saving Liam. There was no comfort in the chimera’s death. But he likes to think that this managed to bring Theo a bit of solace as he died. At the very least this helped make it hurt a little less for Liam.

He had expected to feel emptier. More out of control. Anchorless. Especially thinking about Theo’s act. And the reason behind. But it had the opposite effect. He wasn’t lost and the beta then realized Theo had been wrong. He didn’t need to find a new anchor. He knew as he watched the chimera dead body that this feeling, the lose and guilt but above all the love Theo felt for him. The fact that Theo loved him enough to die for him. That would anchor him forever. Theo would always be his anchor. Just in a different way now.

He felt Mason coming behind him and hugging him. Trying to be there. To make it all better. When Scott joined in by resting his hand on Liam’s shoulder he realize it was time. He didn’t know how long it had been. It felt like mere seconds and an eternity at the same time since Theo took his last breath. But it must have been long enough for the others to come to him. Breaking the space and time Liam had needed. It snapped something in him. Making him realize he had to step back. They needed to deal with the body. Which in itself was a terrifying thought. And he was not ready for that just yet. But he could take the first step toward that.

He had to let go.

He breathed out and finally released Theo’s dead cold hand. Letting it rest forever still. Just like its owner.

He did it.

He let go of Theo Raeken one last time.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you... Enjoyed this? if that's the right word for it?
> 
> It amost had a different ending with a funeral but by the time the was dead it was 11k and i hadn't edited yet so i made it work like that cause i was lazy. Still not sure it was the rigt call but oh well!
> 
> Let me know if there is anything i should add to the tags. Or if there are typos somewhere
> 
> Thank you for reading and i am sorry if this hurt you.
> 
> i made a cover for the story [ here](https://manonisamelon.tumblr.com/post/640347402400890880/cover-for-my-new-fic-when-you-love-someone-and) and an edit of the i love you no you don't scene [ here](https://manonisamelon.tumblr.com/post/640347456034537472/for-lovelylittlegrim-for-a-secret-santa-event-as) if you want to check that out!


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